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best friends for some time 2009-10-27 9:18 p.m. "Hey, remember that thing I used to do when I would tell you to say yes or no without telling you why?" This was the first time I've called him in probably a year and a half. I was asking him whether or not I should try to meet David Sedaris. Tickets sold out months ago and the waitlist was already full when I called the box office today. Last time I went, he paid some random girl he found standing outside $20 to go in and introduce him. I thought maybe I could try to go do that, but I was two blocks from home and really hungry for dinner. Agh, maybe I should have turned back and tried. I would be the best hype man for David Sedaris ever. After Don said no, I sulked in the car for all of two minutes before remembering how great the last time was. I've already met him. It's okay. Last time I went, he paid special attention to me because I was the only person under 35 and not white there to see him, despite the fact the theatre was on UCI's campus. And of course the fact that he's briliant. He chitchatted and distracted me while he signed my book. He asked me if I shower (yes, really odd question) and rooted around in his briefcase. He drew out a little hotel bottle of shampoo that he took from Santa Barbra to give to me. When I looked in the book later, it had his autograph and an ugly drawing of a pine tree. What a golden moment! David Sedaris has taught me so much. I know how to judge a person by what cigarettes they smoke. I know that "okay" or any kind of assent in french is "D'Accord" - and not to use it for every situation, especially a doctor's office. I always say "if you can't be cute you might as well be clever" when I have to defend my machinations to make someone love me. Finally, when I want something in life, David Sedaris has taught me that the easiest thing to do is to will it into being. I was going to find a way to get within five feet of him tonight. My fists balled tight, I was going to declare with solemn determination: "you WILL be my best friend." I have such a fucked up idea of friendship.
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