she was asking for it

2009-09-10 9:06 p.m.

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are playing Oakland tonight for the second time in a row and I'm not there. Doors opened an hour ago, and I decided I love them, but I wouldn't have enough fun to offset the extreme loneliness that would hold me down. Christina keeps assuring me that it's okay, we don't need to see them again, because nothing could ever beat the experience of APW. True facts, so I'm accepting jamming and dancing along to my iTunes at home right now.

My bigger concern is Phoenix. Salt in the wound that was the mini-fail of my birthday. I consoled myself then by convincing myself that I'll see them later - later being now, this month. Scheduling conflicts and ridiculous scalpers on Craigslist ($125 at the least, really?) are ruining my life. They probably won't come back to the States for another two years, and by then I won't have my youth to excuse bad dancing and irresponsible drinking. Christina and I were supposed to impress them with our 80s dancing and then be invited onstage just in time for Metric, to repeat history (on Christina's part).

Christina this, Christina that!

I'm bursting with excitement to get back and into the swing of things with her. Late night Burger King, dancing to indie pop and general brotasticity. That word is trying really hard, but whatever. Our reunion is the only thing I'm looking forward to in Irvine.

I know I should be optimistic and make the most of this last year, but a) I'm lazy and couldn't be arsed and b) yeah... I'm lazy and couldn't be arsed.

Responsibility is creeping up and forcing itself on me like a rapist.

That's graphic.

But it's true. I don't want to be mature!

I was talking to my Little Drummer Boy the other night about how it was simultaneously great and gross to be young and able to drink countless shots of Smirnoff or shotgun Bud Light. It's a really horrible thing, and not something I should be thinking wistfully of... but I do. The fact that I take it slow and don't live up to my middle name of "astrophe" anymore disappoints me. I want some goddamn shenanigans!

Willis' birthday party last Friday was pretty eventful, but for everyone else and not so much me. As expected of the birthday boy, Willis threw up. If only it was in the toilet and not all over himself while he was laying in the bathtub. There was too much cupcaking - which means any cupcaking at all, for my liking. But other than that, I managed to avoid all the annoying parts of people's company and just calmly observe everyone else running rampant.

The next day I met up with Ryan, who was visiting Amber for the weekend. Also an uneventful day: we just wandered around San Francisco, had dinner, then capped off the night with District 9. I fell asleep for the first part, because I knew the storyline already, but was sure to wake up for the KICKA$$ ACTION SCENES.

"I'm surprised you never liked anime. You're a teenage boy." - Ryan

I just want to be 14 forever, minus the harsh pubescent changes. In fact, I'm dressing up as a child for Halloween. I decided to be Max from "Where the Wild Things Are" because a) I can wear the costume as pajamas after the fact b) I could wear the costume to midnight premiere like a dorkus c) It will be the most comfortable option in Georgetown at night and d) I will give the best, comfiest hugs, if any.

I'm trying to finish sewing it in the next week, since I won't have access to my mom's machine down south before Halloween. I've been having mild anxiety attacks thinking about how I'm leaving in five days. This summer hasn't been too bad. More good times than bad, and I partially accomplished my goal in reference to Little Drummer Boy. I'm trying to decide if I should sell my soul and what little shame I have left, and just ask him out to hang one last time before I leave. And molest him.

This entry is chock full of sexual assault. Hope you enjoyed it.

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