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oh so insistent 2009-07-06 2:01 a.m.
I can't believe Julian messaged me on Facebook today. It would have been surprising even without all the embarrassing things that have transpired. I don't know what to say or think about it, I just need to write this down so I remember it. Maybe looking at this, I'll believe it really happened. Of course, when I read back on this in a couple of years (God willing that I'll still be writing) I'll be confused and think myself so laughably young. I'll wonder why I cared. Right now though, it's somehow so important to me. I'm mostly surprised, somewhat pleased, and very relieved. I don't know what to think of it! An hour ago, I was trying to describe the situation to Anton and I kept drawing quotation marks in the air: ... "my 'friend' Julian". What am I supposed to call him? The drummer of the band that I had an unhealthy obsession with? That doesn't sound good. Fresh off my birthday though, it's sounding worse and worse. I'm getting too old for this. Cross my heart and hope not to die, I'll stop soon. Just as soon as I figure out how far I can ride this tenuous thread that could be friendship. I want to be pessimistic and convince myself it's nothing, but it's just too incredible. Give me this little joy. Also: We talked of the Andrew Bird show, and I'll probably see him there. I can't stop listening to Andrew Bird!
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