charolastras unite
2009-02-12 1:08 p.m.
Monday night was the pure definition of "spontaneity". Ryan and I drove over to Christina's place in Huntington Beach with no ideas other than vague plans to watch "The Reader" off of Surfthechannel.net. Never got around to it. Fresh off of watching "He's Just Not That Into You" (B+ at best, but entertaining), Ryan and Christina began to psychoanalyze me pretty well, and we've basically decided that I have problems and they need to be solved. Thus...
Charolastras Manifesto
Members:
Gael: Christina Tajalli
Diego: Cat Ngo
Luisa: Ryan Hudson
MANDATE: To expand our romantic horizons. And grow a pair.
RULES:
Thou shall not appear to inbreed
a. This includes but not limited to:
i. Humping against the wall
ii. Holding hands and/or running away from target
iii. Whispering in each other’s ear
Thou shall cockblock when necessary
a. Distress call: hootie hoo, which should in itself suffice
b. Cholo/a Signal: sweat or brush hair/brow.
c. When object of affection is disgusting
d. When charolastra is drunk
e. When charolastra is desperate
Thou shall be a judge of sexual orientation
Thou shall help initiate conversation
a. Wingman must leave before making object fall in love with him/her
b. Wingman should be charming enough to get person interested but not too charming
c. Wingman should leave when:
d. Playing with neck or hair
CASE STUDIES:
Ryan: example of failed cockblock. Night of terror. Do not happen again.
Cat: do not leave when guy is clearly interested. Don’t appear to be into Ryan.
Christina: don’t let your wingman become the pilot.
We decided that we needed to test the Manifesto, and went out to happy hours around Costa Mesa for "team practice". We went to Yardhouse first, but fifteen minutes before last call so that was a bust. We then went to a lounge called "Kitsch" that was in a tiny strip mall next to an orthodontist's office. Inside didn't redeem the outside. There were only four other people there. Incredibly though, one of these four turned out to be Christina's friend Gracie, and one of Gracie's party is gay!
Ryan, Christina and I are elated that we all actually have prospects. I don't think I've ever had a prospect... and as such, my cynicism will take over, and I won't be optimistic about tonight. Tonight is the first game of the season - I don't know who decided to use sports terms, but we've started and won't stop. I won't write about it so there's no disappointment when nothing happens tonight and I read back on this tomorrow.
Confusing but exciting times?
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